Why Sharing Is Stupid

Lots of my parents say things to me like, "I want Johnny to learn how to share." I'm almost positive I said the same thing to my son's preschool teacher. However, when you are two or three and just starting to hang out with other children, sharing is stupid.

In my classroom, we got three brand new trucks this year. They are beautiful wooden trucks with ladders and removable trailers. As a tiny person who enjoys wheeled vehicles, the best thing is to have all three trucks to yourself. It's a no-brainer. So, if an adult-like-teacher-person comes over to you and says, "Don't you want to share a truck with Kacey?", the correct answer would be, "No. I do not." Why? You got it , because sharing is stupid. It is better to have all three trucks than just two trucks. It's simple mathematics. 3 > 2.

Let me clarify something important here. The fact that Johnny doesn't want to share doesn't mean he is mean or selfish or a budding sociopath. Not at all. Relax, Johnny is fine. He is a tiny person, and he is operating well within the rules of tiny people. In the land of tiny-people-who-are-just-figuring-out-how-to-interact-with-children-their-own-age, sharing is stupid.

Now some of you might say, "But Johnny has been in daycare since he was a year old, he should know how to share by now." This makes perfect sense for adult endeavors. For example, the fact that I took two years of Spanish should mean that I know more Spanish than I did two years ago (I will say nada mas about this). The fact is that tiny people aren't developmentally ready to share before they are two or three (or even four or five). Prior to that time, other people are merely there to make sure that tiny people survive.

Squirrel*: Scientists have a theory, which I will call the "Cuteness T* In the context of the blog, a squirrel is a momentary distraction from what I am suppose to be talking about. For those of you who know me, these will come as no surprise. For those who don't, the original reference comes from the movie, Up (which is a great movie, that you should see, if you haven't). This actually represents a squirrel within a squirrel, or a squirrel squared...Anyway, what were we talking about?




Teeny tiny people are egocentric. They are focused on getting their needs met. They want love and snuggling, they want to eat, they want you to assist them with cleanliness and waste removal. Other children are interesting, sometimes entertaining, often in the way. As tiny people get less teeny, other children become more interesting. They are fun to play next to. They frequently have intriguing ideas about things to do with toys, that can be mimicked. They often want the same toys at the same time. In this case, teeny tiny people sometimes feel that clocking the offending child with the desired toy is a good solution.

Developmentally, this brings us right up to the stage where sharing is stupid. So, at the beginning of the year in my classroom, sharing is not a popular activity. Trucks (or blocks or books or dolls) are held tightly and are often the center of push-me-pull-you matches. Sometimes, what I'm tempted to do is to get right into the fray. After all, I have an incredible height and strength advantage that will almost always allow me to gain possession of the desired object without even breaking a sweat. This effectively ends the argument and I get the truck. Win-Win, right? Well, turns out it teaches the tiny people nothing about sharing. What is does teach them is NOT to ask a grown-up for help, and to fight more quietly, so as not to attract adult attention.

So, I try to resist the temptation to take the toy. Instead, I do a couple of other things. First, I make sure that they are not actually dismembering one another. Next, I help them put into words what each of them wants and feels. Then, I encourage them to find a solution. I'll talk more about this whole process at a later date. For now, I want to reassure you that there is a stage that follows the "Sharing is Stupid" stage. It is a most wondorous thing that happens in my classroom every year.

It's not that the trucks become less valuable or less coveted. In fact, they may become even cooler as the year progresses. What the tiny people start to realize is that playing with the trucks is way more fun when they play with another tiny person. And, in order to get another tiny person to play with them, they have to share. Even if sharing is stupid.